It is estimated that more than 20 million people visit online dating sites every month. So without doubt this virtual means of meeting people and seeking that elusive person (usually referred to as a soul mate) is by far the most popular nowadays.
Some people are successful in their quest to find a soul mate online and others are not. Fortunately a group of Psychologists from the University of California have discovered the key components in creating an attractive online dating profile – the first and fundamental step in finding a soul mate via online dating.
Here in summary are their findings based on the two key dating profile components, adding a picture and completing free text.
Adding an attractive picture:
In a study of Australian online dating users (Whitty and Carr, 2006) 85% said that they would not contact someone without a picture. It is clear from this that the single most important element of creating an attractive online profile is the addition of an attractive picture.
In addition what represented an attractive picture for both men and women was assessed. It was found that men’s pictures that were perceived as being genuine, trustworthy, but not warm and kind were considered to be the most attractive. Women’s pictures that were perceived as more feminine and portrayed higher self esteem, but not self centered, were considered more attractive.
Self description (free text profile component):
The study (Whitty & Carr, 2006) also suggested that men’s open ended free text profiles were considered more attractive when they were perceived as being genuine, trustworthy, but not too warm and kind and overall seemed masculine. Attractiveness was not associated with the length in words or with the percentage of positive emotion words, negative emotion words or self-references. However, women’s open ended free text profile components seemed to have little bearing on their perceived attractiveness.
Recommendations:
Both men and women are encouraged to add an attractive picture to their profile.
Women seeking men should add a recent picture as it appeared that men judge women’s attractiveness almost entirely by their pictures.
Men need to present themselves as genuine, trustworthy, and extraverted and additionally to show their feminine side without compromising their masculinity. Women need to present themselves as feminine and not masculine plus their picture should convey high self esteem without appearing to be self-centered.
Implications for Online Daters:
People who are serious about online dating need to include pictures in their profiles.
Men’s pictures need to convey that they are genuine, trustworthy, and extraverted and show their feminine side without appearing emasculated. One way to do this would be a picture playing with a dog (perhaps a big dog to convey their masculinity).
Women’s pictures need to show their femininity and relatively high self esteem without appearing self centered. Suggestions include wearing a feminine dress or skirt, looking confident and stroking or playing with a dog.
Since men take little or no notice of women’s free text in their profile but are attracted by their pictures, then it would seem sensible to add several attractive pictures to their profiles.
Men need to show their feminine side by opening their hearts and expressing their true feelings in the free text part of their profiles whilst maintaining their overall masculinity by touching on their male interest hobbies such as rugby or football.
Women need to confidently confirm their feminity by opening their hearts and expressing their feelings in the free text part of their profiles without appearing self-centered.
A final word of caution:
No-one should try to convey what they know is not true.
Misrepresenting one’s self is bound lead to disappointment for everyone concerned and certainly will not result in finding a soul mate.
Before subscribing to online dating, it is suggested that completing a free personality test such as the Myers – Briggs typology test may be a good place to start, One such free test can be found at www.humanmetrics.com.
The result will then enable online daters to accurately describe their personality profiles. This is a much better way than relying on the opinions of friends who may be inclined to veer away from accuracy and more towards flattery in the name of loyalty. As always honesty is the best policy!
References
Fiore A, T., Taylor L S,. Mendelssohn G, A., & Hearst M (2008). Assessing attractiveness in online dating profiles. Retrieved October 5th, 2009 from http://doi.acm.org/l0.1145/1357054.1357181.
Whitty M, T., & Carr N., C. (2006). Cyberspace romance: The psychology of online relationships.
Palgrave Macmillan
Derek founded the leading dating site for dog lovers www.doglover.biz in June 2006, inspired by his lifelong love of dogs and the need for dog lovers to share their passion with others like them.
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